HALLOWIENER

Few of you will remember the first A New Low video revealed to the public. It was a short compilation of late-October mischief, pranks, gross-out gags, and gratuitous nudity we called HALLOWIENER. We premiered it at a Halloween party in Horseheads, NY on October 26th, 2002—a party made legendary by Tony Shaddock and his brilliant costume: a half-mask, a bowtie, and nothing else.TonyEricWil-102602b HALLOWIENER was later spruced up and became part of A New Low 2, which was shown to a capacity crowd at The Haunt in Ithaca, NY on December 20th, 2006. The bit made its third public showing alongside the premiere of Son of a Bitch: Part II, also at The Haunt in Ithaca, this time on October 15th, 2010.

Since tradition seems to land HALLOWIENER in the public eye once every four years…and given it’s been four years since its last appearance…it only made sense to finally give it a long overdue residency on the internet—and just in time for Halloween.

So, make sure your parents/employers/children/stuffed animals aren’t paying attention…because if the MPAA ever sat down n’ stroked their shafts to this li’l gem, they’d agree (halfway through a satisfying group orgasm) that it deserves a solid R rating.

Happy Hallowiener!

[CLOSED CAPTIONS] … FOR EVERYONE!

Picture 3 copy

We’ve hired the most technologically advanced company to produce todays most precise closed captions for Lock, Pog and a Few Smoking Barrels. This is the worlds heaviest action packed sequence of betrayal and revenge! So if you felt a little unsure the first time… this time you’ll [DEAF] be satisfied…

(To enable Closed Captions: hit play, click CC at the bottom of the video n’ toggle it to ON.)

The Colonel’s Corner (Episode 2: Hammer)

Filmed almost two years ago and thought to have perished in an unfortunate manure-truck pileup en route to A New Low Studios, The Colonel’s Corner (Episode 2: Hammer) was thought by many to be an irreplaceable treasure that would never grace the retinas of the seven pathetic dipshits that regularly check anewlow.net for new videos.

Coincidentally, the footage has now been placed into the sweaty hands of our filthy rotten “men upstairs” thanks to the unintentional efforts of local manure importer/oats exporter, Emmett Dobson, who found the lost episode in the mouth of one of the goats grazing upon his farmland out on ol’ County Route 6.

“Dang goat had a movie in ‘is mouf!” said Dobson, of his discovery.

The goat declined to comment.

A New Low (Tenth Anniversary Edition) – AVAILABLE NOW!

A New Low Tenth Anniversary Edition

To celebrate the ten year anniversary of A New Low, I’ve whipped up a brand new digital-only extended cut, aptly titled A New Low (Tenth Anniversary Edition), it includes the movie, bonus stuff from the original DVD release, plus never-before-seen deleted material; bumping the overall runtime up to an hour n’ two minutes (from its original 36 minutes)!

A New Low (Tenth Anniversary Edition) is available to download right here for only $1.99!

PS: For the inevitable inquiries or wisecracks about owning a copy of A New Low 2 before its upcoming ten year anniversary: since the decision not to put it out on DVD, we’ve struggled for a very long time to find a proper outlet for it…so, if the digital release of A New Low (Tenth Anniversary Edition) proves desirable, we’ll have a downloadable version of A New Low 2 in your hands by Halloween of this year.

In other words, if you want a copy of A New Low 2, quit shakin’ your fist at me—and start shakin’ your credit card in this direction. Capeesh?

Blood Death AGAIN

After being banned in over 319 countries, the controversial sequel to BLOOD DEATH has finally landed a distribution deal in the U.S. This presentation of BLOOD DEATH AGAIN is uncut, uncensored and unforgiving…you’ve been warned. #instagrindhouse

Blood Death

For my very first Instagram Video, I teamed up with Chinese actor, Jian Jun, and pounded out 15 seconds of sleaze n’ schlock straight outta the #instagrindhouse. I give to you…BLOOD DEATH.

Current Mysteries- Halloween Edition

Happy Hallowed Ween boys and ghouls.
Here is a new episode that happens to be rather festive for this time of year.

“Ghosts, We Need To Know If They Do Exist”

-Dr John Holden