Six-Word Record Reviews (vol. 4)

Dave Matthews Band Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King
Freshman dorm room beer-slut music.

Gym Class Heroes The Quilt
Introductory hip hop for emo bedwetters.

Black Eyed Peas The E.N.D.
Sports bar music for divorced Caucasians.

Cobra Starship Hot Mess
Adults dressed like/performing for preteens.

Muse The Resistance
The “Delta Kappa Radiohead” roofies Queen.

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Six-Word Record Reviews (vol. 3)

Paramore Brand New Eyes
Wentz groupies create more kindergarten anthems.

Kings of Leon Only by the Night
The sound of bearded men crying.

Asher Roth Asleep in the Bread Aisle
Rap for all-white, gated communities.

Jay-Z The Blueprint 3
Egomaniacal nursey rhymes, brand name packaging.

Ke$ha Animal
Cum-belching whore lowers the bar.

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Six-Word Record Reviews (vol.2)

Vampire Weekend Contra
Abercrombie approved, sorority house turd rock.

3Oh!3 Want
Dumb jocks discover shitty laptop beats.

BrokeNCYDE I’m Not a Fan, But the Kids Like It!
Bizkit’s five remaining fans discover 3Oh!3.

Jack’s Mannequin The Glass Passenger
Singer’s leukemia compressed into audio format.

Bayside Bayside
Did their drummer die of boredom?


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six-word Starbucks reviews

Lemonade Blended Beverage
Cold, chunky, lemon scented corn syrup.

Grande sugar-free Vanilla Latte, “skinny,” no foam
Muddy water for cuntish old hags.

Mocha Frappuccino
A coffee-esque, toilet flavored McDonalds milkshake.

Starbucks Brewed Coffee
Ground fresh…bagged, shipped…served stale.

Caramel Macchiato
Celebrate your appreciation of tooth decay.


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Six-Word Record Reviews

Gwen Stefani The Sweet Escape
An elaborate prank on gullible retards?

Coheed and Cambria No World For Tomorrow
Impenetrable sex shield for husky virgins.

Kanye West Graduation
Black music for white douche bags.

My Chemical Romance Black Parade
A rock opera without AIDS? Gay.

Ashlee Simpson I Am Me
Art is dead. Fat chicks rejoice.


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