Six-Word Record Reviews (vol.2)

Vampire Weekend Contra
Abercrombie approved, sorority house turd rock.

3Oh!3 Want
Dumb jocks discover shitty laptop beats.

BrokeNCYDE I’m Not a Fan, But the Kids Like It!
Bizkit’s five remaining fans discover 3Oh!3.

Jack’s Mannequin The Glass Passenger
Singer’s leukemia compressed into audio format.

Bayside Bayside
Did their drummer die of boredom?

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What a “lovely” day.

I got back to my house 20 minutes from the time I’d left, with a thirst for more than just the morning coffee in my right hand. It is Tuesday, a day in which new music and movies are released nationwide on digital formats for our consumer needs. I hadn’t anticipated any particular new releases, but I knew I’d find something, anything to put further stress on my iPod’s hard drive in no more than thirty seconds of riffling through the iTunes store.

I hit the 128 kb/s jackpot when I discovered AFI had a new album out!

I immediately purchased the album and gulped down my coffee with great anticipation as the songs downloaded to my computer and transferred over to my iPod. I cancelled my 12:30 business luncheon and went out for a long nature walk to really absorb the new songs; to take in every note and become one with the music.

I’d like to share with you my review as it appears on iTunes. I typically write six-word record reviews, but this release is so special, so enchanting…I felt the need to go above and beyond–a reflection, if you will, of the album itself.

(click to enlarge)

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Six-Word Record Reviews

Gwen Stefani The Sweet Escape
An elaborate prank on gullible retards?

Coheed and Cambria No World For Tomorrow
Impenetrable sex shield for husky virgins.

Kanye West Graduation
Black music for white douche bags.

My Chemical Romance Black Parade
A rock opera without AIDS? Gay.

Ashlee Simpson I Am Me
Art is dead. Fat chicks rejoice.

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