“Current Mysteries” Season 2 Trailer—and Contest Info!

I am pleased to announce that season two of Current Mysteries is about to begin.

The large staff of researches on the show are offering a once in a lifetime opportunity: suggest a Current Mystery in the comment section that you would like to see investigated on the show. Our team of judges will chose one to air during this upcoming season. The winner will also receive a VHS copy of season one (shipping and handling not included).

This is gonna be one of the greatest summers, you guys.
-John Holden

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The St. James Sippy Cup

Have you ever spent $11 on an Amaretto Sour…only to find the cup two days later, revealing the truth behind the small, seemingly imperishable ice cube that continued to rattle as you drunkenly tossed the empty cup in your bag? God bless you, New York City.

“Pirate vs Wolfman on Planet X” radio podcast is back!

Thanks to advancements in NASA technologies, a distant radio signal from Star System KBX-489’s most coveted podcast has again been discovered and decrypted by scientists into a frequency detectable by human ears!

Each episode can be streamed or downloaded below. Look for the entire series (and perhaps a new episode or two) back on iTunes in the near future.


Pirate vs Wolfman Episode #1
Recorded on January 21, 2007.

ETC, Seth McPizza and Rob Lavarnway discuss atomic and molecular physics whilst enjoying some early pre-war ragtime blues.

Download Episode #1 (right click, save) or stream it: 


Pirate vs Wolfman Episode #2
Recorded on January 24, 2007.

London McGrane and Taem Jones join ETC and Seth McPizza in a heated debate over the the growing risks of nuclear terrorism, then lighten the mood with some Dixieland jazz.

Download Episode #2 (right click, save) or stream it:


Pirate vs Wolfman Episode #3 [Valentine’s Day]
Recorded on February 5, 2007.

Eric Thomas probes deep into the paradoxes of religious belief, infuriating Christian fundamentalist, Taem Jones. As always, The Shamrockers, Rob Lavarnway and Seth McPizza, balance the tension with the joyous sounds of their dueling ukeleles.

Download Episode #3 (right click, save) or stream it:


Pirate vs Wolfman Episode #4 [Deth to Seth]
Recorded on February 12, 2007.

American astronomer, John Holden, defends Pluto as the Solar System’s ninth planet, while Eric Thomas Craven, Taem Jones and Rob Lavarnway (key representatives of the International Astronomical Union) stand by its newly appointed status as a “dwarf planet”. Can they overcome their differences in time to enjoy a live performance by Earth’s famous Harlem Gospel Choir??

Download Episode #4 (right click, save) or stream it:


Pirate vs Wolfman Episode #5 [New York City]
Recorded on February 17, 2007.

Taem Jones, Eric Thomas Craven and London McGrane venture deep into the bowels of a midtown Manhattan subway station to research a secret underground society of homeless people. When the three of them become lost in the sunless labyrinth, only the subterranean grooves of a panhandling saxophone player can guide them back to the surface.

Download Episode #5 (right click, save) or stream it:


Pirate vs Wolfman Episode #6
Recorded on February 27, 2007.

Shaolin masters, Eric Thomas Craven and Taem Jones, have been taken hostage. When two mild mannered firemen, London McGrane and Rob Lavarnway, cross enemy lines to rescue them, they encounter a 50 foot ogre with a taste for pizza and a boner for books. Moments before the three of them engage in battle, Taem and Eric Thomas jump out from behind a tree and yell “SURPRISE!”…immediately charming their former adversary. Later that day, they went on to form the award winning Scandinavian black metal 5 piece, KANKERSORE.

Download Episode #6 (right click, save) or stream it:


Pirate vs Wolfman Episode #7
Recorded on March 3, 2007.

Eric Thomas Craven, Taem Jones, London McGrane, Seth McPizza and Rob Lavarnway take a much needed break from protesting a local abortion clinic and physically assaulting it’s patients–to tour neighboring towns as an all black rhythm and blues trio.

Download Episode #7 (right click, save) or stream it:


Pirate vs Wolfman Episode #8 [Charlottesville, VA p.1]
Recorded on March 12, 2007.

When Wil “Liam” Smith is cut from John Johnson’s micro-budget remake of 2004’s Garden State, Taem Jones and Eric Thomas Craven console him with an acoustic guitar and a few rousing ballads about Zach Braff’s heavenly dimples of venus.

Download Episode #8 (right click, save) or stream it:


Pirate vs Wolfman Episode #9 [Charlottesville, VA p.2]
Recorded on March 12, 2007.

In the gripping finale of this epic two-parter, lone Bella Morte keyboardist, Micah Consylman, saves Eric Thomas Craven and Taem Jones from the crippling AIDS cloud that trashy novelist, Shawn Decker, carelessly emits from his rear-end in their direction following a nasty verbal altercation. Facing a life in prison for attempted murder, Shawn breaks into a one-man monk chant to make peace with god.

Download Episode #9 (right click, save) or stream it:


Pirate vs Wolfman Episode #10
Recorded on June 5, 2007.

This week an array of special guests join Taem Jones and Eric Thomas Craven via satellite, as the debate heats up over Cardinal McPizza downplaying Vatican direction on communion. Robert Lavarnway, a pro-abortion politician, who was refused communion after failure to alter his stance on the issue, also guests on the show in his first interview since the incident. Celestial harp accompaniment provided by classical Ukrainian quintet, WHORE’S BLOOD.

Download Episode #10 (right click, save) or stream it:

Back to the Motor League

Another day, another trip to the Big Apple. This time, however, the objective is leisure…well, if you can really get away with calling high-energy thrash punk “leisure.” The following is my Captain’s Log, as originally posted on Twitter.

March, 12th
12:43 pm

Familiar territory: lack of sleep on I-80 E. Aw yeah. NYC twice in one week. Propagandhi & Paint It Black tonight at the Highline Ballroom!

1:20 pm
Holland Tunnel?? Shit, we gotta piss!

3:02 pm
An Arabic man just saw my dick in Brooklyn. A fine moment in public urination.

5:14 pm
Gotta plug my favorite coffee shop in Manhattan: Fika on 41 W 58th St. It’s fancy, so cross your legs & sip that latte with your pinky up.

5:36 pm
Clogged a toilet at the 5th Ave Apple store with this bad girl…

8:18 pm
If Amanda Blaine doesn’t hurry up and wipe her ass at Asian Bistro, we’re gonna miss the concert.

8:23 pm
Follow-up on Amanda Blaine’s shitting habits: she clogged the Asian Bistro! We’re takin’ over this two-bit town one toilet at a time!

9:38 pm
A stage dive from a large-bodied man bent my pinky back during Paint It Black’s 1st song. Retaliation against my last 8 Bella Morte shows? Karma? Ouch.

10:32 pm
Up front for Propagandhi. Things are “aboot” to get real hairy…

March 13th
12:56 am

Paint It Black were intense. Propagandhi, fucking amazing. They played “Hallie Sallasse, Up Your Ass” & “Anti-Manifesto”?? No way, dude…

1:07 am
Sharing an air mattress with Yetti in Brooklyn. He’s snoring. If he gets any louder, I’m gonna shove four dry fingers up his ass.

10:54 am
10:54 am and I’m still on this air mattress. A good night’s sleep for once? I owe it all to Yetti’s rythmic snoring. Coffee mission!

12:37 pm
Killing two birds with one bathroom.

5:22 pm
“Tourist attraction of the day”
or…
“Hate: Manhattan style”

Yep, that’s true poo.

11:26 pm
I take it back…THIS is the tourist attraction of the day…no, of ALL TIME.

“Man bursts into flames and dies while riding bicycling on NY’s Long Island…”

March 14th
1:48 am

On our way back to Horseheads. We’ve been lost for an hour in North Jersey–the armpit, butthole & syphilis ridden crotch of the East coast.

6:23 am
I’m home. Less than 3 hours before work. Work for 13 hours. I dream of coffee.

This was the most satisfying show I’ve attended in years. It’s a good thing too, because I chose this l’il event over a Morrissey concert. Furthermore, I’ve been meaning to read Hegemony or Survival for awhile now–and something about those angry Canucks inspired me to begin reading it mere hours after they walked off stage.

Check out Propagandhi’s new album, Supporting Caste…it’s a doozie!

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Pirate vs Wolfman Episode #5 [New York City]

Recorded on February 17, 2007.

Taem Jones, Eric Thomas Craven and London McGrane venture deep into the bowels of a midtown Manhattan subway station to research a secret underground society of homeless people. When the three of them become lost in the sunless labyrinth, only the subterranean grooves of a panhandling saxophone player can guide them back to the surface.

Download Episode #5 (right click, save) or stream it:

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“As the Reasons Die” CD release show

On Saturday, John Holden, Sam, Yetti and myself attended Bella Morte’s CD release show in New York City.

Bella Morte get gnarly in N.Y.C.




The new songs are so good live, you’ll shit your ass! If you ever have the chance to see Bella Morte at the Albion/Batcave, do it. Next time I’m there, I’m handing my camera to someone else so I can slamdance with the goth kids.

It’s an 18+ club, so Sam got kicked out as soon as Bella Morte finished their set. I went outside to find him and he was hanging out with a homeless guy.

Sam gets gnarly in N.Y.C.


If you don’t have a copy of “As The Reasons Die”, get off your dick and BUY IT already! It’s fucking incredible. I can’t imagine there’ll be a better album released this year.






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