HALLOWIENER

Few of you will remember the first A New Low video revealed to the public. It was a short compilation of late-October mischief, pranks, gross-out gags, and gratuitous nudity we called HALLOWIENER. We premiered it at a Halloween party in Horseheads, NY on October 26th, 2002—a party made legendary by Tony Shaddock and his brilliant costume: a half-mask, a bowtie, and nothing else.TonyEricWil-102602b HALLOWIENER was later spruced up and became part of A New Low 2, which was shown to a capacity crowd at The Haunt in Ithaca, NY on December 20th, 2006. The bit made its third public showing alongside the premiere of Son of a Bitch: Part II, also at The Haunt in Ithaca, this time on October 15th, 2010.

Since tradition seems to land HALLOWIENER in the public eye once every four years…and given it’s been four years since its last appearance…it only made sense to finally give it a long overdue residency on the internet—and just in time for Halloween.

So, make sure your parents/employers/children/stuffed animals aren’t paying attention…because if the MPAA ever sat down n’ stroked their shafts to this li’l gem, they’d agree (halfway through a satisfying group orgasm) that it deserves a solid R rating.

Happy Hallowiener!

Current Mysteries: Season 2, Episode 2 “Headhunters”

Season 2 is upon us. Sorry for the delay, folks…the United States government is doing everything they can to put a muzzle on Current Mysteries. It’s making our production difficult…but we will persevere. Why? Because the truth is out there…and they can’t keep it covered forever.

Now, brace yourself for the episode they didn’t want you to see…

HEADHUNTERS.

-John Holden

Current Mysteries: Season 2, Episode 1 “Masked Phantoms”

School is almost over, so shut your history book and take a mystery look…

I mean there is something new, or preferably current.

The long awaited second season of Current Mysteries is finally here.

For your viewing pleasure and safety, I bring you “Masked Phantoms.”

“Current Mysteries” Season 2 Trailer—and Contest Info!

I am pleased to announce that season two of Current Mysteries is about to begin.

The large staff of researches on the show are offering a once in a lifetime opportunity: suggest a Current Mystery in the comment section that you would like to see investigated on the show. Our team of judges will chose one to air during this upcoming season. The winner will also receive a VHS copy of season one (shipping and handling not included).

This is gonna be one of the greatest summers, you guys.
-John Holden

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Diaper-Rash of the Titans: Tom Green’s Endorsement of A New Low

Sure, we’re a little late on this…but a big thanks to Tom Green for the shout-out he gave A New Low on his Prepare For Impact DVD a while back.

Tom, let’s listen to rap music and go skateboarding sometime soon.

Everyone else, lace up your fanny packs, grab a fistful of lukewarm cottage cheese n’ head on over to www.tomgreen.com!

Son of a Bitch: Part II premiere / Bella Morte

Photos by Ryan Gee
www.ryangeephotography.com

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Bella Morte “In The Dirt”

The day A N’ L Lies was released (available here for an absolutely JUICY eight dollars and fifty cents), John Holden, Taem Jones and I migrated to Chattanooga, Tennessee to promote the DVD at Con Nooga 2010, pass the Bella Morte music video torch to Troma president, Lloyd Kaufman and participate in said music video, Bella Morte’s In the Dirt.

Now, first and foremost, I’d like to address why I wasn’t asked to direct Bella Morte’s new video. Afterall, I helmed the last three (zombie prom masterpiece, Earth Angel; dizzying blue hurricane of cinematic triumph, On The Edge; and the one with feathers, Find Forever Gone)…naturally, their fans were chanting my name in harmonic unison, awaiting the fourth coming of—what was it they were calling me…the “music video messiah” or something to that effect. So, what happened?

As you well know, I’m taking Hollywood by storm. I’m a very big deal. Essentially, I was asking 6 figures to do the new video…but Cock-Block Kaufman agreed to do it for a #6 at Taco Bell. See, it’s problematic when filmmakers are more involved with “art” and less concerned with money. So now, my name doesn’t appear in lights and my bank account suffers…it’s like, go get a paintbrush or something, artfag.

Lloyd and his Troma imprint were a very important part of my upbringing. Five minutes into my young and tender first viewing of the Toxic Avenger, my father jabbed his gurthy, vein rippled viking thumb hard into the eject button on our VCR and set sail for an angry return to Little Joe’s Video Rental. My parents thought it was a little too vulgar. They had no idea their attempts to shelter me from folks like Toxie would only fuel my growing curiosity of the obscene; force-feeding my imagination with more swear words, boogers, poop and toxic waste than you could find in all of Tromaville; ultimately, stitching a lifelong fascination with all things gross, shocking and heinous within the fabric of my soul. Hopping out of the director’s chair for Lloyd was a real honor…and knowing that I’d farted in it moments before he called “move your feet, lose your feet” was an added bonus.

So, without further ado, here’s Lloyd Kaufman’s latest work, STARRING John Holden, Taem Jones, myself, Toxie…and some unnecessary secretary (?) who makes the same face in every scene she’s in. Enjoy!

J.Ho DJing at Silverbird Espresso May 7th

John Holden will be DJing at Silverbird Espresso in Hanover Square THIS FRIDAY, May 7th from 7pm-11pm…

…with a LIVE MAGICIAN.

Now, unless you dabble in human trafficking and have an order of silky-smooth eleven year old Vietnamese boys coming in…there’s no better way to spend your Friday night. So, kick the evening off with a turbo boost of caffeine, a copy of A N’ L Lies on DVD (J.Ho will have ’em onhand) and a sweaty butt from some serious disco dancin’!

Silverbird Espresso is locatated at 119 West Franklin St in Hanover Square, Horseheads, NY.

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J.Ho DJing at Silverbird

If you’re in or around Horseheads tonight, swing by Silverbird Espresso…Holden is spinning the latest Justin Bieber/Joy Division mashups.

Silverbird Espresso is at 119 W. Franklin St, Hanover Square in Horseheads, New York.

Interview with Indie MediaCast

In mid February, Taem, J.Ho and I went down to ConNooga in Chattanooga, Tennessee to promote A N’ L Lies (available here for only $8.50!) and appear as extras in Lloyd Kaufman‘s Bella Morte music video. After the shoot, Jeremy Atkins of Indie MediaCast sat us down to discuss the new DVD, Bella Morte and ConNooga 2010.

…and I must say, the three of us give an extremely professional interview.

A New Low Films- These guys ARE low

Sunday, February 21, 2010

IMC had the pleasure, or displeasure depending on how you feel about depravity. A New Low is an independent film company based out of NY. Lies (ANL demo dvd) apparently toppled even Lloyd Kaufman’s iron gut.

These guys are sick, vile and disgusting, and also some of the best party copilots one could have at a convention.

Keep a look out for A NEW LOW’s brand of horror cinema and buy every NEW LOW piece of merchandise you see. Why?! So that we can keep them off the street and most likely off of your daughter.

Check out Indie MediaCast or stream the interview here: