A New Low (Tenth Anniversary Edition) – AVAILABLE NOW!

A New Low Tenth Anniversary Edition

To celebrate the ten year anniversary of A New Low, I’ve whipped up a brand new digital-only extended cut, aptly titled A New Low (Tenth Anniversary Edition), it includes the movie, bonus stuff from the original DVD release, plus never-before-seen deleted material; bumping the overall runtime up to an hour n’ two minutes (from its original 36 minutes)!

A New Low (Tenth Anniversary Edition) is available to download right here for only $1.99!

PS: For the inevitable inquiries or wisecracks about owning a copy of A New Low 2 before its upcoming ten year anniversary: since the decision not to put it out on DVD, we’ve struggled for a very long time to find a proper outlet for it…so, if the digital release of A New Low (Tenth Anniversary Edition) proves desirable, we’ll have a downloadable version of A New Low 2 in your hands by Halloween of this year.

In other words, if you want a copy of A New Low 2, quit shakin’ your fist at me—and start shakin’ your credit card in this direction. Capeesh?

CRAPPY TEN YEAR ANNIVERSARY!

A New Low premiered at The Haunt in Ithaca, NY ten years ago today. Millions gathered at Thorne Street Park in Horseheads to observe the anniversary and join in prayer. The decennial celebration culminated with a massive fireworks show honoring the cast and crew, who were on hand and charging only $25 per autograph. Happy anniversary, fellas! Here’s to the next ten years of A NEW LOW!

Green Day ‘Crave’ a Little Sex, Drugs and Violence

greendaycom

Green Day recently held a contest challenging their fans to create a short film inspired by one of the 37 songs off of their trilogy of new albums ¡Uno!, ¡Dos!, and ¡Tré!. Our Son of a Bitch: Part III prototype, Sex, Drugs and Violence, was voted 19th (out of 223) by the fans and then, two weeks later, the band closed out the contest by picking their five favorites. They picked ours, of course (don’t mistake the tone of this sentence as one of arrogance, ok? Let’s just be real for a moment: we had a sock monkey violently slaughtering hot babes and douche bags at a summer camp in the 1980’s–honestly, how can anyone compete with that??) and right now our short is being showcased on their website.

In the tradition of green celebrities misspelling my name while briefly sharing a sliver of their spotlight with me (my camera credit on Tom Green’s Prepare For Impact DVD is “Eric Thomas Graben“), I’m mentioned not once, but twice on the main page of greenday.com as “Eric Thomas Crave.”

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It was an honor being able to entertain Green Day for 3 1/2 minutes, considering they’ve been entertaining me for the past 19 years. I’d like to thank them for picking our short and sharing their massive audience with us. So, Billie Joe Armstron, Mike Dirn and Tré Coo…thanks, dudes!

Thanks for Voting!

The polls are closed. We ended up in 19th place out of 223. Now the band combs through the top videos and chooses a winner.

To all of our voters: THANK YOU.

To all of the people who spread the word or shared a link: A REALLY BIG THANK YOU.

To those of you who annoyed all of your friends, family and coworkers by texting, calling, tweeting, sending out private messages and backing them into a corner: A REALLY REALLY BIG THANK YOU.

To those who couldn’t vote due to technical difficulties: your vote was there in spirit and I certainly THANK YOU for your efforts.

To those of you who were going to vote until you got paranoid because “the video site wanted all of my personal information”: it’s 2013, is this really the first time you’ve ever seen that COMMON Facebook login disclaimer that’s there for your convenience?? Furthermore, if you’re fearful of your personal information being misused, why the hell did you ever sign up for FACEBOOK in the first place?

To those of you who couldn’t be bothered to vote: your crotch is going to rot completely off from a severe case of syphilis found only in the lamest and/or laziest of human beings. I hope it’s painful.

Thanks again for putting up with my ’round the clock social network “spamming” and nagging texts. Wish us luck in the next round!

IMPORTANT Public Service Announcement!

This has absolutely NOTHING to do with voting for our new short film (http://www.talenthouse.com/creativeinvites/preview/a6bac68a2be26f8c5673d97fae6cc92d/1000?disableRedirect=1-*)

*UPDATE: the polls are closed.

SEX, DRUGS & VIOLENCE

Our NEW horror/comedy short is out and it NEEDS YOUR VOTES (votes prevent syphilis, gonorrhea and acne!) also, it’ll help us win a contest. Watch and VOTE for us here!*

*UPDATE: the polls are closed.

Sex, Drugs & Violence title sceneSex, Drugs & Violence sock monkey
Sex, Drugs & Violence Sasha n RedSex, Drugs & Violence cliffSex, Drugs & Violence sock monkey axeSex, Drugs & Violence axe death

A New Low classic logo shirts are back!

Our original shirts are back to commemorate the ten year anniversary of A New Low. Snatch ’em up before they go back into moratorium for another goddamn decade!

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Shirts are just $22 and are available in men’s and women’s sizes with a wide array of color choices. Printed on American Apparel Fine Jersey T-shirts, made with 100% fine jersey cotton, combed for softness and comfort.

“Yetti vs Taem” shirts now available!

YettiVsTaemShirts

The warmth of a friend’s vomit brings joy to our hearts, sunlight to our souls, bile to our crotches, and pleasure to all of life.

This is another fine piece by Alexander Duke (wizardskull.com), inspired by one of the most horrific prank videos in the history of mankind and one of our proudest moments here at A New Low, Yetti vs Taem.

Shirts are just $22 and are available in men’s and women’s sizes with a wide array of color choices. Printed on American Apparel Fine Jersey T-shirts, made with 100% fine jersey cotton, combed for softness and comfort.

Unearthed Merch: ‘A New Low’ Girly Tank Top

While diggin’ through storage in hopes of locating my notebooks of Ricky Martin fan-fiction, I uncovered some rare A New Low gems that I’ll be adding to the site over the coming weeks.

The first is a girly tank top (black, 100% pre-shrunk cotton) proudly displaying the A New Low logo in white print. Morrissey once observed that some girls are bigger than others…and I’m observing that some girls are also shit outta luck, because all we have left is SMALL. (Fret not, our large-breasted and otherwise curvy cohorts…we’ll design a new shirt with a full run of sizes in the near future.)

These were thought to be long out of stock since maybe 2006 and there’s only a short stack of ’em left…so get off your snatch n’ snatch one up before they’re gone forever!

We even have two options for ya. Just click on the one you want n’ get whisked away to our delightful, easy to use checkout page.

1) Just the shirt, as described above, for $15.

2) The shirt, as described above, plus both of our DVDs and two adorable stickers, for $25.

Choose or lose, buckaroos!

Wanderlust Director Uses Early Collaboration With Eric Thomas Craven to Promote Film

To pack people into theaters for his new comedy, Wanderlust, director/co-writer David Wain did what any struggling filmmaker would do…he made sure the opening weekend coincided with the release of a DVD showcasing his collected work with global art, film and literary sensation, Eric Thomas Craven.

The DVD compiles Wainy Days, a relatively unknown web series that exploded into a mushroom cloud of thermonuclear popularity once David cast Eric Thomas in the gripping two-part segment, “Rochelle”. When ETC was given a copy of the script, he revised all of his lines—in fact, he omitted them completely and even crossed his character out of 98% of the scenes he was to appear in. David—who had the added stress of his previous film, Role Models, being released to the home market the very next day—fought tirelessly with Eric Thomas…he didn’t want to lose Rochelle’s shining star. Eventually, ETC convinced David an air of mystique was essential to the character…that he’d sell the performance through nimble mannerisms and facial expressions; that it was imperative his screen time be minimal. The dark complexities of the role would pose a challenge to audiences—yet, captivate them, with many projecting their own inner conflicts and moral ambiguities onto the character…ultimately, shaping him in their own image.

The results were outstanding. Rochelle earned David the Pulitzer Prize for Drama, seventy three Academy Awards, a Baseball Hall of Fame nomination and a fourteen month reign as WWE Intercontinental Champion.

These accolades certainly helped David in getting his new film green-lit, but securing a strong turnout at the box office would necessitate some large scale name-dropping…and that’s where the idea to finally release Wainy Days on DVD came into play—a little nudge to moviegoers, reminding ’em that he once worked with Eric Thomas Craven.

Remarkably, Eric Thomas Craven was not offered the lead role in Wanderlust, with it instead going to Paul Rudd…strange choice, because at the final performance of American Idiot on Broadway, Paul sat behind Eric Thomas…by like three rows. Regardless, ETC fully endorses both Wanderlust and Wainy Days.

So, remember, folks…Wanderlust is in theaters everywhere, Wainy Days is available here and Paul Rudd cannot even compete with Eric Thomas Craven as a patron of the arts.

NYC Horror Fest

Son of a Bitch: Part II has been accepted into the The Killer Shorts Film Competition at NYC Horror Fest and will be playing sometime this evening (screenings start at 4:00pm). It’s at the Meadowlands Sheraton across from Giants / Jets Stadium.

Apologies for the late notice, but if you’re in the Tri-State area today and have 8 minutes to kill, swing by and watch Sock Monkey splatter a few shitbags on the big screen!

John Holden will be there representing A New Low and handing out our colorful penis and puke stickers. Don’t be afraid to tickle him.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

I have a special treat for all you spooky bastards this year. Boils and ghouls, put your warty witch tits and wolfman nards together for…

SON OF A BITCH: Part II

Update: The refrigernator’s down for repairs. It’ll be up n’ running again soon.