HALLOWIENER

Few of you will remember the first A New Low video revealed to the public. It was a short compilation of late-October mischief, pranks, gross-out gags, and gratuitous nudity we called HALLOWIENER. We premiered it at a Halloween party in Horseheads, NY on October 26th, 2002—a party made legendary by Tony Shaddock and his brilliant costume: a half-mask, a bowtie, and nothing else.TonyEricWil-102602b HALLOWIENER was later spruced up and became part of A New Low 2, which was shown to a capacity crowd at The Haunt in Ithaca, NY on December 20th, 2006. The bit made its third public showing alongside the premiere of Son of a Bitch: Part II, also at The Haunt in Ithaca, this time on October 15th, 2010.

Since tradition seems to land HALLOWIENER in the public eye once every four years…and given it’s been four years since its last appearance…it only made sense to finally give it a long overdue residency on the internet—and just in time for Halloween.

So, make sure your parents/employers/children/stuffed animals aren’t paying attention…because if the MPAA ever sat down n’ stroked their shafts to this li’l gem, they’d agree (halfway through a satisfying group orgasm) that it deserves a solid R rating.

Happy Hallowiener!

Gorgeous Man Saves Small Town From Rampaging Monster

This morning, residents of Horseheads, New York awoke from a collective nightmare.

Since late May, the small town has been terrorized by a large, unidentified creature, one that has claimed the lives of over a hundred thousand men, women and children…and, in what will forever be remembered as “Horseheads’ 9/11,” caused minor structural damage to the village post office.

Yet, at approximately 1:33 AM Eastern Standard Time, shortly after civil defense sirens cut through the night to warn of another attack (the first since October 8th’s mid-evening rampage that devastated the red light district of Hanover Square)—reports were flooding in that the beast was in captivity. By the time the National Guard arrived, both the menace and its captor were gone.

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Eyewitnesses were shaken; unable to identify the man who undoubtedly saved them. “He was a strong man with chiseled abs and a well-oiled chest,” said Linda Bradstaff of East Franklin St. “I wanted to personally thank him, but he was gone before I was able to fully expose my vagina.”

Of the beast, one witness claimed it was an “enormous wolf, the size of full grown horse; with the head of a horse and a horse’s body and horse hooves…almost like some sort of large, horse-shaped wolf.”

The only known photograph (pictured above), taken by area carpet salesman and contemporary ballet instructor, Andrew Marshall, depicts the two in the heat of battle, fully engaged in a violent life-or-death struggle. Though a spectacular raw portrait of selfless, unparalleled heroism…it offers few clues to officials desparate for answers.

“We’d like to know more about the man who saved our town, our families, our friends and neighbors,” said police chief, Barry Stanford. “However, we need to know if he’ll be back to protect us, should this monstrous wolf with horse features ever return…or, god forbid, if there are more of them out there.”

Stanford continued, “I know the whole town would love the opportunity to thank him…I don’t think a parade is out of the question. We’d pull out the retired fire engines, get the high school marching band to do their thing, have some floats made in his honor…and, of course, every man, woman and child would be there proudly exposing their genitals.”

A New Low (Tenth Anniversary Edition) – AVAILABLE NOW!

A New Low Tenth Anniversary Edition

To celebrate the ten year anniversary of A New Low, I’ve whipped up a brand new digital-only extended cut, aptly titled A New Low (Tenth Anniversary Edition), it includes the movie, bonus stuff from the original DVD release, plus never-before-seen deleted material; bumping the overall runtime up to an hour n’ two minutes (from its original 36 minutes)!

A New Low (Tenth Anniversary Edition) is available to download right here for only $1.99!

PS: For the inevitable inquiries or wisecracks about owning a copy of A New Low 2 before its upcoming ten year anniversary: since the decision not to put it out on DVD, we’ve struggled for a very long time to find a proper outlet for it…so, if the digital release of A New Low (Tenth Anniversary Edition) proves desirable, we’ll have a downloadable version of A New Low 2 in your hands by Halloween of this year.

In other words, if you want a copy of A New Low 2, quit shakin’ your fist at me—and start shakin’ your credit card in this direction. Capeesh?