SWM seeks thickening agent for pee

When I was a boy, the sound of Doug Craven’s pee stream was epic. It was loud, powerful, intimidating. It sent shivers down my spine–not to mention light splashes against my face as I tried peaking over the bowl to see what all the commotion was.

I couldn’t wait for the bathroom to shake with the impact of my golden thunder.

Now, here I am at the tender age of 27, with a cock bigger than two Christmas hams, and–though my stream has respectable width and passes at a considerable rate–the consistency of the pee itself is a bit light-bodied for my taste…it’s just too thin to make the splash I’d hoped for by this point in my life.

I’ve increased the amount of pectin, arrowroot and carrageenan in my diet, which has aided in giving my urine a velvety smooth texture…but not the rich, thick density that I’m really hoping to spank the toilet water with. I guess what I’m looking for is something to augment the viscosity of my pee without sacrificing its astringency.

I’m open to suggestions. I just want results, and I want them now. When I piss, my neighbor needs to hear it over his snowblower. The guy at the urinal next to me needs to know that my stream could cut him in half. Most importantly, without needing to press his ear against the bathroom door, Doug Craven needs to know his baby boy has grown up a man.

    see also:
    Conspiracy Theory…
    a light at the end of every flesh tunnel

12 thoughts on “SWM seeks thickening agent for pee

  1. I believe I have an answer to you problem. You need a step stool. His pee sounds louder because he is taller than you. It has been a while since I saw Doug Craven and that beautiful hair I used to cut into a elaborate lions mane. He once wanted it too look a little more like the steamy soap star Bo Brady. But I think I remember him being tall. Correct me if I’m wrong. So stand on the sink and aim. Maybe lifted shoes. Carrying a step stool into the mens bathroom might be a little obvious. Good luck. You could always shove a thick rod up your weinis to make the hole bigger.

    • Thank you for your feedback, Jenny. Douglas isn’t much taller than me, but as for widening the circumference of my dickhole…you might just be onto something. I think I’ll start with a Mason jar and work up from there. Again, thank you so much for your care and support during this difficult time.

  2. having a loose weinis hole might introduce a whole new set of problems. Nobody wants to see a huge flaccid flapping hole on any part of the body. Maybe you should drink gelatin in large amounts to make the pee more of a semi solid. It could also be a a muscle strength problem try doing kegels. Just simply tighten and loosen your pelvic floor muscles repeatedly.

  3. you could shoot pectin into your bladder by using a catheter tube and a squeeze bag of newly mixed pectin in warm water (before it has a chance to thicken). that way you would bypass your digestive system and it could thicken with the urine in your bladder. maybe it would be like shitting out of your dick…..sweet.

  4. I hope your stream is packin’ a bigger punch nowadays. You deserve it after writing such a wonderful hunk o’ gold.

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