the proposition

On June 18th of this year, at approximately 10:57 AM, I received the first in a series of emails from a 42 year old Horseheads man that I’m just gonna go ahead and refer to as “Mark”. Mark, evident by the title of this piece, offered me quite an interesting proposition…one that unfortunately, due to the intense preproduction details of Son of a Bitch: Part III, I neglected to take him up on. Though our correspondence sadly ended after a just few short hours–I’m hoping he’s still out there, waiting, reading…and willing, all the more, to pay me for my services. After all, the holidays are upon us, and I could always use some extra cash.

Now, without further ado…our exchange, in its entirety:


Mark:
if your that dude from barnes & noble I would love to spank you. would you say you are small, avg, larger than avg., or larger than avg. i’m for real. might even consider $ to watch you fly solo if you know what i mean. need to be discrete.

ETC:
My penis has been mistaken as a monument downtown for years now.

Mark:
LOL Just what I wanted to hear!! I knew you were hung!! If you knew no one would ever know would you show it for cash?

ETC:
Show it how?

Shake my hips and twirl it like a propeller? Slap it against the inside of a urinal and give it a cold shower? Flick the tip purple? Hold it like a gun and give my best impersonation of Robert De Niro in Taxi Driver? Dip it in spoiled mayonaise? Get a paint set from the dollar store and decorate it like a WWII warplane?

I need specifics, Mark.

Mark:
Just show it. Take it out. At a urinal. In a car. Dressing room somewhere. Your call. If you make it hard that would be great. Macy’s dressing rooms would work. Just go in and I can look under or somethinig. I’ll slide $ in first. can I trust you?

ETC:
My associate (no worries, he lives in Virginia) warns me that I’m walking dickfirst into a rape scenario. That’s a little unnerving. I mean, something like that would require at least another five bucks.

Mark:
I’m not into rape scenes. I understand your apprehensive. this is way out of the box. think about it. let me know what works for you. again my 1 priority is privacy. if I had any idea you would tell someone if you see my out and about in public i would rather die than do this. i can’t make it myself any clearer.

Mark:
let me explain myself. i’m not a wack job. bit of a pervert… maybe. i’m a professional male here in horseheads and privacy is everything to me. i have to stay on the down low and need to be assured that no one would ever know if we did do something like that. if not.. no problem. i’m gone. won’t hear from me again. just willing to pay $ to see what ya got. the more you show the more $$. you have a very unique look and now that i’ve seen your myspace i can tell personality too. not one to “judge” people it seems. that is why i felt comfortable sending you msg. anyway.. consider it. you don’t even have to see me if you don’t want. i’m sure that could be worked out. later.

ETC:
Feel free to bring a headscarf and black ski mask, just leave your sword at home.

Mark:
You got it! i’ll be generous. the better the show the better the $. it would suck if you had a little p p. a chance i’m willing to take.

Mark:
where is the most unusual place you jerked off?


Behind the counter of my most recent summer job…during business hours, Mark. To answer your question. The very location I relished our sole, tender discourse…

Coincidence? Most likely. We never had any customers, which made it quite lonely in there. But hey, you never know what was going on deep in my subconscious…

Look me up.

Share

6 thoughts on “the proposition

  1. Hahaha, what the fuck?? Can’t say I’ve ever had an offer like that. Someone needs to make a reality show of your bizarre life and all the zany characters that seem to flock to you.

  2. Thanks on your marvelous posting! I definitely enjoyed reading it, you could be a great author.I will ensure that I bookmark your blog and definitely will come back someday. I want to encourage you to ultimately continue your great writing, have a nice evening!

  3. %first_paragraphThey often ignore the fact that good dental system is necessary for proper digestion. But, regular checkups with your dentist can keep off the pain and suffering. You find lot many people who do not visit a dentist until they suffer from an intolerable toothache.

    Fortunately, there are optometrists who are willing to help. For instance, an optometrist Abbotsford residents can trust can be found at shopping centers. They are those who provide the right glasses and contact lenses based on the patientís eye grade. Optometrists are eye doctors in charge of the primary health care of peopleís eyes, particularly the vision. Optometrists usually operate in small clinics or large eye centers.

    And always ready to help patients. They are all very big eye specialists and sell glasses and contact lenses also. Our Atlanta optometrists specialists, they are very familiar and have good behaved and attitude towards to patients and patients is very important for him. The all optomitrists doctors, they have much knowledge and experience and love to patients. The Buckhead optometrists doctors, they are very professional and respectable doctors.

    He or she could start struggling in school or start having little accidents as a result of poor vision. In fact, most optometrists recommend regular eye exams for children. Even if your child has perfect 20/20 vision, it’s still important to take them to the eye doctor every year for an exam. Otherwise, your child may experience changes in his or her vision without your knowledge.

    Most of those are practicing their profession in private, with a quarter of them are being self-employed. A small fraction of optometrists are employed by the federal government, either for public hospitals or for the military. There are a lot of licensed optometrists Indianapolis has to date.

    The aforementioned disorders cause the light rays entering the eye not to focus properly on the retina, resulting in poorly sent electrical impulses from the retina to the brain, eventually resulting in vision impairment. Nearsighted individuals have elongated eyeballs or overly curved corneas. Astigmatism is experienced by to people who have blurred eyesight caused by irregularly shaped corneas or irregularly curved lens.

    They have accomplished knowledge and eminent physicians. Our Buckhead eye doctor, they provide always best quality result and have obtained. They only take use the most advanced technology. They have much knowledge and experience about the eye, they are very eye specialist. The Buckhead eye doctor, they use the art of the technology for the patients and for measuring your eyes and they make custom diagnosis. The Buckhead eye doctor, they are very specialist and expert and they can develop and can take using any new technologies for the vision care of the patients.

    Furthermore, it is always advisable to find out all the equipment you might need during the course of the construction and consider Lethbridge equipment rentals that have them. This will save you time when you need the services of Lethbridge equipment rentals in future.

    Be smart about your eye care and your children’s eye care as well. Don’t wait until it’s too late to fix the problem — take your children in for regular eye exams, even if they have perfect 20/20 vision. If you haven’t taken your child for an exam in awhile, schedule an appointment with an optometrist as soon as possible. They can help keep your children’s eyes healthy and strong, and locate possible eye conditions before they become dangerous or severe. Optometrists are available for specific reasons, and that’s to help you take good care of your vision as well as your children’s vision.

    For example, if your child develops a rash, you might take him or her to see a dermatologist instead of your family doctor. When children develop certain health problems outside of regular colds and illnesses, parents will then take them to see a specialist. Parents also take their child to the doctor for regular checkups to make sure that they are as healthy as they can be. When a child gets sick, parents will often take the child to the doctor for an exam. Children often rely on the adults in their lives to help take care of them and teach them healthy habits. In order to get a proper diagnosis and receive proper treatment, you need to take your child to an eye doctor. The same is true for young children who develop farsightedness, nearsightedness, or astigmatism at an early age.

    After the extent of the defect has been determined, and Hyperopic or Myopic tendencies are identified, the optometrist will proceed to provide you with a variety of lenses in order to settle on whichever suits your vision the best. A typical visit to an optometrist’s office, involves having to take a vision exam to check vision acuity, after which it can be determined whether or not you have defective vision that must be corrected with lenses.

    One notable difference between the two, is that Ophthalmologists are qualified to perform surgery if and when necessary, aside from treating eye diseases, while an Optometrist is technically a general practitioner, who is entitled to diagnose problems and prescribe remedies, but does not perform therapy or surgery on a large scale. Ophthalmologists and Optometrists are essentially different as professionals, although ultimately they both deal with vision related issues.%

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s