Poon McGavin Arrested / Fired From Job

Local ping-pong legend, Poon McGavin, who had just returned from 37 minutes of missionary work in Brazil, was apprehended by authorities and charged with disorderly conduct on December 21st. Apparently, Mcgavin had been on a 2 hour drinking binge, when he and his cohorts decided that they needed to eat. They arrived at Denny’s (McGavin’s place of employment) at approximately 1:30am. Upon his arrival, McGavin felt it necessary to go from table to table greeting his fans. He then came to the table occupied by one Hippy Q. Fuckface. Fuckface, obviously jealous of the stars’ celebrity status, began to insult the young actor/filmmaker. McGavin, outraged by Fuckface’s array of brash remarks, returned the antagonists words. Eyewitnesses stated, that throughout the battle of wits, McGavin remained cool and collect. After a harrowing victory, McGavin returned to his posse and was then seated. In a heartfelt attempt to redeem his friends tragic defeat, one of Fuckface’s minions, a man that goes by the name of Fat Fucker, approached McGavin’s table and began harassing the Hollywood hunk. Engulfed in anger and inebriety, McGavin stood up on his seat and began to scream obscenities at Fucker. Denny’s shift manager Paul Borger became aware of the altercation and proceeded to ask both parties to leave the restaurant. Upon his descent, McGavin shoved Fuckface, witnesses claim. Fuckface then put McGavin in a deadly headlock and began to strike him on the top of his head numerous times. McGavin, in a desperate attempt to escape Fuckface’s iron grip, began to strike him in the groin and lower back. After pulling free, McGavin and company fled to a getaway van, but were pulled over just outside of the Denny’s parking lot. “Poon was very cooperative with the officers…a real class act” said Norm Hanson, 52, of Big Flats. Another eyewitness to the occurrence was quoted as saying “my junk almost flopped out”. McGavin lost his job at Denny’s, and oddly enough regained his title of ‘grill master’ at the same Wendy’s restaurant that fired him early last year.

McGavin is scheduled to appear in Horseheads Village Court on January 7th.

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